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Really Funny History Test Answers, see above
balagan
post Tue Mar 23, 2004, 01:43 PM
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The following excerpts are actual answers given on history
tests
and in Sunday school quizzes by children between 5th and 6th
grade, in Ohio . They were collected over a period of three years
by two teachers. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers,
and of course, spelling! Kids should rule the world, as it would
be a laugh a minute for us adults and therefore no time to war
or argue.---------------

Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies
who
all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of
the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live
elsewhere.----------------------------------------
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they
made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died
before he ever reached Canada but his commandos made it.
--------------------------------------------
Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He
was an actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It
sounds like he was sort of busy too.
----------------------------------------------------- The Greeks were
a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history.
The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.
....................
Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around
giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose
of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his
career suffered a dramatic decline.
................
In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled
biscuits, and threw the java. The games were messier then than
they show on TV now.

-------------
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul .
The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to
be made king. Dying, he gasped out "Same to you,
Brutus." -------------------------------------------
Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw
for reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have
problems.

-------- Queen
Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen she was a success. When she
exposed herself before her troops they all shouted"hurrah!" and that was
the end of the fighting for a long while.
-------
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the
circulation of blood.
------ Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he
invented cigarettes and started smoking.
----
Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot
clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.
-------
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.
He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never
made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He
wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
pentameter.
-------
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He
wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Miltonwrote
Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.
--------
Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
Congress.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers
of the Declaration of Independence . Franklin discovered
electricity
by rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided
against itself cannot stand." He was a naturalist for sure.
Franklin
died in 1790 and is still dead
---------
Abraham Lincoln became America 's greatest Precedent. Lincoln 's
Mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built
with his own hands.. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
signing the Emasculation Proclamation.
--------
On the night of April 14, 1865 , Lincoln went to the theater and
got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly
insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
------
Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
large
number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which
he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was
the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was
half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
------ Bethoven
wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he
wrote loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He took long
walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him.
Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
-------
The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing
by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers
to spring up.
----------
Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work
of
a hundred men.
----------
Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why.
-------
Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the
Species.
It was very long and people got upset about it and had trials to
see
if it was really true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24
hours but without watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it.
--------
Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what
she did. Other women have become scientists since her but they
didn't get to find radios because they were already taken.
Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in
the
movies. Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the
family had to have a job, I guess.
Hope you academics enjoyed this!
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